Saturday, July 30, 2005


Why They All Need Cells

How about just a little common courtesy, I have been assigned to a bunk module for last couple of weeks of my midnight rotation. Two more weeks then dayshift. After ten months of midnight I am ready I have developed a little bit of insomnia. This is the first time I have been assigned in the bunks on a midnight shift; and I must say if I was an inmate in this module I would last about five minutes before I beat down my first loser.

The two bunk modules are set up the same way just reversed. The module is a rectangle about 38 feet from my desk to the back wall and 48 feet across from wall to wall – a very small area for 54 inmates to live in. On day and evening shifts you expect the noise, but on midnights you’d expect quite. I try to picture myself as an inmate in this module trying to get some sleep. You get to listen to inmates fart as loud as they can and then giggle about it. Or, inmates pissing in the toilet area use the center of the bowl and can’t seem to hit the sides to reduce the noise. And then the few inmates who actually wash their hands after using the pisser, like to take the paper towel dispenser and rack the handle then let it go at the bottom so it slaps back up to the top. They can’t seem to move the handle were it makes little to no noise. Then there’s the metal bunks that have metal lock boxes underneath where inmates can lock up their property. The lid opens straight up from the bottom to the bunk, and to close the box all you have to do is hold the lid on the way down, but that is way too complicated for these mental midgets. They just slap the lid and let gravity do the rest causing a bang when the door hits the metal frame.

My job from midnight to six is to control the talking – there is NO TALKING, so I wonder around for the first half and hour and say, “Sir, there is no talking during the lock down hours. If you would like to communicate you will have to wait to six o’clock free movement. Thank you for your corporation.” Now if you believe that, I have stuff to sell. Hell, most inmates can’t even understand half of those words. See, if it was a maximum custody module you wouldn’t have to put up with this piddle stuff, because all maximum custody inmates have been to Department of Corrections. There they learn common courtesy really quick, and if you are a slow learner… well you’ll learn.

After the six o’clock unlock, the dragging of the plastic chairs across the floor made me snap. They weigh 20oz pick them up for God’s sake!

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